I’m a man, so I know I don’t fully get the challenges women face. But living in Nigeria, a place full of vibrant culture and incredible women, I’ve noticed something that’s hard to ignore: what some call “toxic femininity.” I’m all for women’s empowerment and equality, but I’ve seen behaviors among women that seem to hurt just as much as the patriarchal systems we all talk about dismantling. It’s like some women are wielding metaphorical “knives” against each other, and I think it’s worth talking about, even if I’m looking at it from the outside.
What Do I Mean by Toxic Femininity?
I’m not an expert, but from what I’ve observed, toxic femininity seems to be about societal pressures that push women into behaviors that end up harming themselves and other women. It’s not about physical fights like you might see with toxic masculinity. Instead, it’s more subtle, like envy or judgment that breaks down trust and unity among women.
What Does It Look Like?
Here’s what I’ve noticed, as a guy trying to make sense of it:
- The “Slay Queen” Pressure: I see this “slay queen” thing everywhere, women feeling they have to look perfect, glamorous, and successful all the time. Social media makes it intense, with everyone posting their best moments. It seems like instead of cheering each other on, some women get caught up comparing themselves or feeling jealous. It’s less about real wins and more about who’s got the best outfit or the most likes, which can lead to gossip or tearing each other down.
- Judging Each Other: I’ve heard women call each other out for not fitting some kind of mold, like their body, their job, whether they’re single or married, or even if they embrace traditional roles or not. It feels like some women are quick to judge others who do things differently, and I don’t get why that happens instead of supporting each other’s choices.
- Chasing Male Approval: This one’s tricky for me to wrap my head around, but I’ve seen some women try to stand out by putting down other women, maybe to seem more appealing to men. It’s like they’re playing into old-school ideas about what women “should” be, which seems to go against the whole empowerment thing. It’s confusing and kind of sad.
- Lack of Real Support: I’ve heard women say they don’t always feel supported by other women. Instead of having each other’s backs, there’s sometimes gossip or betrayal. As a guy, I don’t fully understand why this happens, but it seems like it makes things harder for women when they can’t count on each other.
- Using Emotions to Manipulate: I’ve noticed some women use tears or act helpless to get out of trouble or get ahead. I know emotions are real and important, but when they’re used like a strategy to one-up someone else, it feels unfair, especially to other women.
Why Is This Happening?
I’m not a woman, so I can’t pretend to know all the reasons, but here’s what I think might be going on:
- Society’s Impact: Growing up in a culture that often puts women down can make some women feel they have to compete or judge each other to feel better about themselves.
- Competition for Limited Opportunities: It seems like when there aren’t enough jobs, partners, or chances to go around, it can push women to see each other as rivals.
- Social Media and Pop Culture: From what I see, social media and TV shows sometimes make it look like women have to outshine each other, focusing on looks or status instead of real connection.
- Not Enough Examples of Unity: There are amazing women out there, but I don’t hear enough stories about women lifting each other up. It’s like the drama gets more attention.
What Can Be Done?
I don’t have all the answers, but I think there’s a way forward:
- Encourage Real Support: I’d love to see women build stronger friendships and networks where they can cheer each other on, whether things are going great or not.
- Question Judgments: Maybe women could take a step back and think about why they’re judging another woman’s choices. I think that could help.
- Focus on What Matters: Success doesn’t have to be about looking perfect. I admire women who are recognized for their hard work and character, not just their style.
- Let Women Be Themselves: From my perspective, it seems like women should be free to be who they are without worrying about being judged for it.
- See Through Media Tricks: I think it’d help if everyone, not just women, called out media that makes women feel like they have to compete or fit a certain image.
Wrapping It Up
I know I don’t fully understand what it’s like to be a woman in Nigeria, but I can see that empowerment isn’t just about fighting external battles. It’s also about fixing the rifts between women. I hope the “ladies with knives” can put them down and start supporting each other instead. From where I stand, a strong, united community of women could do incredible things together.